I want to wish anyone who reads this a Christmas that will be real, deep, and grounded in a joy that can't be taken away. When you look at the first Christmas, it was a hard time. Mary was pregnant, dogged by scandal, away from family, the government had forced them to comply with a census decree which meant leaving home, no one would give them shelter (no inns in Bethlehem- the original Greek means guest room), and the Son of God had to push aside animals and waste to be born. We do rejoice because of the overall plan of salvation, redemption, and promise although it was painfully difficult.
It is how I think of this year. I am weary of virtual everything. I am an artist, so I spend a lot of time working alone. Consequently, I need people- breathing, living people. To be forced to be solitary as if I am doing time for a crime I did not commit is ruinous. I comply with all the health guidelines, yet part of me is dying. I have not seen most friends or family since March. They seem ok with that because we have to be "safe". I mourn and grieve for lost time, lost friends, those who are shut and starving emotionally in nursing homes away from family although they get Covid by the droves from employees (don't understand- they all wear masks, PPE), lost incomes, financial disasters for all but Walmart and Target. Church is a ghost town even with masks, distancing, constant cleaning yet the parking lots for Walmart, Target, Aldis are filled to the max. I don't think I will ever recover. Sometimes, I just cry over the loss. Christmas Eve was particularly hard- my husband and I alone eating dinner with Pandora. I think people will like the way it is, just fine, and loneliness will be looked at as a weakness.
I rejoice for what God has done and will do for me. I rejoice for the few that stick with me. I rejoice because I have been given a gift of art to share with those who need its comfort and humaness. But I grieve for the lostness, the vacuous Zoom gatherings, and media bingeing that substitutes for relationships.
Today, Buffalo received a blanket of heavy, wet snow which is how I feel. It has beauty, but is burdensome, fleeting, and icy. The light is leaden and dull. I tried to show my hometown beauty to you.
 |
| Our tree this year is a blue spruce from our yard. It started out as a small live balled tree for our Christmas over 15 years ago. It grew too big for our small yard, so the tip top is our Christmas tree one more time. |
12 comments:
I wish you a Joyous Christmas, Linda!
I wish that you could enjoy your solitude and not see it as forced solitary confinement. Solitude to do what you want to do - when you want to do it - without the interference of others. Solitude to "create" wonderful things.
I wish that you could see the "blanket" and the "beauty" of the snow - and not see the heavy, wet part. "Blankets" are used for warmth - and are very comforting. And sometimes - the heavier - the better.
I wish that you could see the world from a slightly different perspective - I wish that you were LEFT-handed - LOL - ;))
Merry Christmas, Linda - those snow photos remind me so much of my childhood in Michigan. I loved the heavy wet snow - it made better snowmen (the fluffy dry stuff my parents liked because it was easier to shovel - I get it now, I didn't get it then). Thank you for sharing those nature photos - so calming and peaceful even if the world itself isn't. Sending virtual hugs.
You just need a big hug, we all do. I think that is the thing I miss the most, a pat on the back or a complete hug. The glass half full part of this isolation is that it can give us time to catch up on all of the things we never had time to do. Motivation comes from within oneself and extroverts are probably having the hardest time because they get motivated when around others. Introverts like me can handle it better because we like our alone time.
I pray for you to see the brighter side of everything instead of considering it blow after blow. You have SO MUCH talent that God gave you to enjoy. We are getting close to the end of this terrible tunnel we have been in, just hang on, we can all make it out of here.
Heartfelt post. I get it completely. I know I am blessed beyond reason yet longing for the relationship and contact of dear ones. It is ok to grieve as long as you get thru the pain. Turn it into something else.
I do see beauty in your snow blanket photos....the shadows and shades of white, the stillness and calm. Paying you find that peace and joy. Hugs.
hugs - and I totally get it. But the photographer in me LOVES your series of photos - that they can be in color and have that antique old black and white effect... and then the ones with the pop of color. They just speak to me!
I am totally with you tho on the people/isolation/walmart thing... Great big hugs!
I left Buffalo January 2, 1976 when I enlisted in the Air Force. Home had been about 10 miles east of the city in an old farm house heated by 2 wood burning stoves. Life lead me to Oklahoma where snow is a short, infrequent event and the house is heated by gas. I know how isolated a person can feel when snowed in & can only imagine how much worse cabin fever can be while isolated by COVID fears. I'm all alone (unless you count a rotten dog & stuck up cat). Hope you can find some bright, cheerful flower fabric to sew something and Think Spring!
Thank you for writing about what so many of us feel. I still have hope that 2021 will include more visiting with friends, face to face, and more time with my quilting group. In that group, of about 7 members, any quilt question will get about a dozen opinions. Such spontaneous fun. That spontaneous fun is what we all need. My very best wishes for you and everyone that we will find peace, joy and fun in 2021.
Linda I hope you're feeling more relaxed and peaceful by the time you read this. I think we are all feeling the stress of 2020 and hoping like heck that 2021 will be an improvement. Hopefully those who are having to isolate from family and friends will once again to enjoy the companionship and love of family and friends personally rather than on the screen or the telephone. By the way, I certainly don't think that loneliness is a weakness Linda, I think it's a normal reaction to our situation. You are in my thoughts and I'm sending virtual hugs to you.
I should like to thank you so much for sharing theWinter wonderland photos with us. They have brought back memories of long ago days as a child becoming so excited to look out the window and see the snow and we do miss the Winters which we enjoyed when our children were small, racing down the hills on their sledges, everything they were wearing covered in snow and soaking wet! Ah, happy memories.
Keep safe and well Linda.
AMEN to this post. Remember grief walks along side gratitude. We do not have to choose one or the other.. I feel exactly like you do...bereft. Also a bit frightened. I am reading the book, The Great Influenza of 1918. Amazing how things have to be relearned time after time. I have never been to Buffalo, but in my mind, it is famous for snow and cold. Brrr.
I am eating too much and sleeping too much, but as I am high risk, I dare not go out. OK...I am now going to slap my face, and get up to iron a backing...Hugs to you, my fellow traveler...virtual ones xo
I'm sorry that you are feeling so forlorn, Linda. 2020 has been an incredibly challenging year. Wishing you a renewed sense of hope in a New Year filled with art, quilts, and those you love!
I'd give you a big hug if I was closer. Cutting people off from other people isn't right. We need other people. I missed going to church on Christmas eve. First time in decades we didn't attend. Here's hoping 2021 brings us back to normal.
I totally understand how you are feeling. I'm typically a loner too - longarming from my home is a solitary job. But I miss being able to just have lunch with my Mom or my best friend. I miss not worrying that I will get or give someone a virus just by getting a little too close or giving a hug. But I have hope that we will get through this, and I feel like there is a light at the end of a very long tunnel.
We typically don't get much snow where I live, but this year we've already had two big snows. So it's been nice to look out and see just how pretty everything is when covered with all that fluffy white stuff! LOL I love that your Christmas tree this year was from the tree you had many years ago. What a great story!
Post a Comment